Playing Santa Claus

Dave and I conquered the task of shopping for presents for all four kiddos today. This has become a tradition of ours over the past few years, since we have had kids of our own. He takes a day off from work, we track down the grandparents and off we go. Usually we start at Toys R Us and end up at Wal Mart aka "Old faithful". This year was different though. I am not sure if it is because of my sister not being here, or the fact that my mother has to have yet another surgery in a month, or that my brother is spending the Holidays is jail, or that my family is shrinking drastically more and more every year. It just does not feel like Christmas anymore to me. And if it weren't for my kids, I would probably jet off to a beach somewhere for the entire Holiday Season. I know my husband senses my sadness lately and I am not quite sure how to let him know that it's not him...it's me. I hope I snap out of it for MY family's sake, at least for Christmas. Dear Lord...Please leave my little family the way it is for awhile. Leave everyone happy and healthy and surgery-free. It's really taking a toll on me. Thanks!