Counting Down...

Well, we are counting down to Christmas in our house! 4 days until Christmas Eve!!! That is the day we have our famly tradition "dinner", where everyone piles in our house, eat, drinks, and be's merry. Except for me and mom. We are too busy cooking, cleaning and crying this year I am sure! My sister absence is going to be so depressing to us both. Ashley will feel it I'm sure, but she's a little stronger, and a lot less emotional when it comes to feelings. She is good at burrying it deep so no one can see the pain. My mother and I let it flow, no matter who the hell is there...we can't help it. It seems Christmas has less and less meaning every year. Maybe becasue I have less and less family every year. Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws, but it's not the same as your own family. I live for my kids, put on a happy face, my Holiday face, and keep going...waiting for it all to be over. Holding my breath, that I don't break down in the middle of everything...God help me!!!!
It used to be, back in the day, We would pick names so everyone would have a gift to open. We would set a limit of either $50 or $100. Depending on how the economy was that year. One year no one was working good, laid-off a bunch of times, trying to get caught up on bills, it was really-really rough, so we set the limit at $20. We had the most fun that year, and I think we got the nicest gifts! We were a great family back then. Aside the fact that Joe was ALWAYS drunk, Pam was ALWAYS mad because Joe was always drunk, Shannon Jo ALWAYS acted out because her parents were fighting. Laurie would always come wearing a Santa hat, flashing bulb earrings, and a Santa sweatshirt that said: Dear Santa, I want it all! I remember thinking, " What an embarrasment these people are, are they REALLY related to me? GOD, I would give ANYTHING, ANYTHING to see those flashing earrings, santa hat and sweatshirt on my sister walking through my door on Christmas Eve...ANYTHING!