Friday, March 12, 2010

O Brother...

I am having a hard day. Very emotional and crying over every little thing today. I received a letter from my brother who is doing time in prison for DUI and a violating a PFA order. A long story, for another time. It saddens me to the core that he is in there and and I know he put himself there, but my heart feels otherwise. He is my only surviving sibling and I love him. I know it's killing my mom that he is there. He calls her every other day. It took me all day to get up the courage to read the letter because everytime I picked it up, I started to bawl. It wasn't anything bad, just saying how much he missed us and loved us, and that he was facing some medical issues about his liver being bad. From the many, many years of alcoholism, he now has sclerosis of the liver. The doctor's tell him if he takes one more drink, he will die. Well, this threw me for a tailspin. I can't bear to lose another sibling. Losing my sister was traumatizing enough! It's been a little over a year and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she is gone and I will NEVER see her again!
The worst part of all this is that my brother is making all these plans for when he does get out. He is promising to take my kids, along with his grandkids to Idlewild and Sandcasltle. Great! I just hope he stays sober long enough to do so. Because if he doesn't...he will die! How do you prepare yourself for something like this? Ugh, I know my mother will never survive another death of one of her children...NEVER! Anyone have a majic wand I can borrow for awhile? I promise to return it...Maybe!


Megan said...

So, so sorry. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have a sibling in prison, where you really can't do anything for him. Pray for him, and write to him. Are you allowed to send him cookies or anything? Maybe something proactive like that would make you feel more connected. Let him know that you can't bear to lose another sibling, so he has to clean up his act.
Good Luck, blessings, Megan

Keepingupwiththekietas said...

That I have done. I have told him SO many times that I love him and can't bear to lose him. He can't receive anything other than letters and pictures, which I send alot of. I also pray alot. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend and always posting. You will NEVER know what it means to me.